


Crypt TV - Motorsport Edition

by cheesymite_scroll



Series: Monsters Within Motorsport [1]
Category: Crypt TV - Fandom, Formula 1 RPF, Formula E RPF, Motorsport RPF
Genre: Cannibalism, Gen, I'm so sorry, Lol I Lied, blood blood some more blood, more characters will be added later, my god what have i done, someone dies in every chapter, spygate?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2019-09-27 01:37:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17152862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheesymite_scroll/pseuds/cheesymite_scroll
Summary: A series of drabbles, ficlets and other short fiction, with plots based on the Crypt TV universe and characters based on motorsport figures. These might or might not be expanded into full stories.Update 3/9/2019: 'The Door in the Woods' is discontinued.Crypt TV: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpJ6Dn01AqjvFVN2EiK72Ag





	1. The Door in the Woods - ART Grand Prix

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Crypt TV monsters. The human characters are based on real people, of which I also do NOT own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Door in the Woods: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ztptrGUorM

After a few seconds of silence, the door spat out something. Upon closer inspection by the others, it was a pair of glasses.

Anthoine’s glasses.

And it was covered in blood.

A grumbling noise came out of the door. Callum, Jack, Nikita and Jake made eye contact with each other, not knowing what to do next. The grumbling got louder and footsteps were heard from the door. At this point, everyone was already a good 30 feet away from it.

Then, someone (or rather, something) came out of the door.

The source of the noise.

It was a grisly thing; a human-like creature, with eyes barely visible, and blood-covered teeth that only some extinct predator could possess. Its massive forehead (due to its head being egg-shaped) was decorated with a familiar tattoo.

The boys looked at it, not daring to move.

A few second later, Jack bolted away.

The rest followed suit, including the monster – the Brute.

It was only a matter of time before the Brute caught another victim.

It leapt at Jake, making a start on chewing his neck. Blood spurted everywhere.

At this point, all he could do was scream.

Then, the Brute moved onto Jake’s shoulders.


	2. The Birch - ft. Charles Leclerc and Max Verstappen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Birch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxQj0DumF8Y

Charles never believed in violence.

However, what he did that day suggested otherwise.

‘This counts as self-defence, right?’ he thought to himself, ‘Max almost killed me.’

Charles took another look at Max, or rather, what was left of Max. The body (especially the face) was covered in so many stab wounds, that it was barely recognisable. Charles moved his gaze to the ripped-out organs – the heart and God-knows-what-else – skewered into a nearby fallen tree branch, like doner kebab. He winced.

‘Shit! That was probably a bit over the top.’

The Birch held Charles’ left hand. Charles glanced at its face, then back to Max’ body.

He proceeds to cut the body into smaller pieces, so that the Birch could digest them easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Crypt TV monsters. The human characters are based on real people, of which I also do NOT own.


	3. Mordeo - ft. Fernando Alonso and Ron Dennis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF CANNIBALISM
> 
> YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
> 
> I don't know what human meat tastes like. So I had to describe it based on my (very likely flawed) knowledge of human organs and their functions.
> 
> Mordeo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1W0fRWA3aw&vl=de

Nando tucked in to the liver that he pulled out of the body in front of him. Earlier on, he accidentally ate one of the kidneys, which tasted awfully bitter and smelled like urine. He then proceeded to chew on a piece of organ that looked like a deflated balloon, to balance out the sweetness from the liver.

Nando looked at the body. It was that of a middle-aged (maybe slightly older) man, with receding hairline. The man was wearing what seems like company uniform, as indicated by the many logos decorating it; the red arrow-shaped one, the “Vodafone” one, the “Mercedes-Benz” one and the one that said “Mobil1”. Nando read the man’s badge; Ron Dennis – Chief Executive Officer. 

‘No wonder I’ve seen him before,’ thought Nando, ‘Jeez, guy must be real stressed’. He noticed that the man’s – Ron’s – right eye was open. With slight disgust, Nando nudged Ron’s head to the side, so that it was looking away from him. 

Nando was about to start munching on the small intestine when he heard the sound of snapped twigs and branches. He quickly shifted his attention to the direction of the noise; a skinless dear-headed figure, standing about 20 metres away from him. It was wearing a dark brown cloak, blending in with the trees.

“Oh, you’ve done it now,” upon hearing this, Nando looked back at Ron’s body, mortified to find that the dead man was looking back at him.

Nando jumped back, “The fuck?”

“You’re hungry. There’s no shame in that.” Ron said, nonchalantly.

He then chuckled, “But remember, there’s a price to pay for eating flesh in this woods.” 

The chuckle escalated into a laugh, “You, Nando, belong to the Mordeo now.”

Suddenly, Nando felt like things were growing out of his head. He pulled at them, only to discover he had grown antlers (pointed out by Ron). Then his head started to itch, so he scratched it. Much to his horror, he scratched off his skin (also pointed out by Ron). 

Nando could only look at his bloodied hands, complete with overgrown claws. He took deep breaths and roared. 

Just like the Mordeo.

Ron cackled, “Time for the blood hunt!”

Nando continued to consume Ron’s organs some more, while Ron giggled, as if he was being tickled. 

Nando’s second roar echoed throughout the forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did some light research on what the McLaren team gear looked like in 2007. Turns out, there wasn't any indication of the McLaren brand anywhere (at least from what I have gathered on Google Search). So I had to take some artistic liberty in putting the McLaren logo on the team gears, with the other ones (eg.Mercedes, Vodafone and Mobil1).
> 
> Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Crypt TV monsters. The human characters are based on real people, of which I also do NOT own.


	4. The Door in the Woods - ART Grand Prix (part 2)

Somehow, Jack made it safely to his dorm room. He peeked outside the windows; it was a bloodbath. He could only watch as the Brute bit and tore its way around the chaotic mass of people, who tried to get away. Jack saw a head – that belonged to one of the camp staff – rolled away like a soccer ball.

Immediately, he vomited on the floor.

His roommate George, who just got out of the shower, was disgusted.

“Jack, what the hell?” George demanded an answer.

Jack replied by vomiting even more.

George became concerned, “Finished?”

Jack shook his head, “Nup, there’s more,” and proceeded to vomit again, but not before George handed him a plastic bag.

“Feeling better?”

“Slightly.”

George examined Jack’s hands, “Uh, Jack?”

“Yeah?”

“Is that blood on your hands?”

“Uh huh”

“Did you kill anyone?”

“Hell no!”

“Then how the fuck did you get blood on your hands, Jack Aitken?”

Jack gave up, “Okay. So, you know the story about the door in the forest near here?”

George recalled, “The one that was supposedly true, and that we’re not supposed to open under any circumstances? Yeah.”

“Turns out, the door actually exists!”

“And?”

“We might or might not have opened it,” Jack admitted, “and there might or might not be a monster that’s eating everyone, including Anthoine.”

George was skeptical, “Yeah, right. And in the next 30 seconds, it’s going to rain blood around here.”

Jack and George heard the sound of a woman screaming, followed by a roar, and then followed by the noise of sloppy munching.

“I wouldn’t open the door, if I were you,” Jack said.

Despite the noises he heard, George opened the door, “I’ll take my chances, thanks”

Raining blood, it did.

George was too shocked to get away from the humanoid monster in front of him. He tried to run back to the bathroom, but it was too late; the Brute had already bit half of his head off as he was about to reach for the bathroom door. The monster continued to eat the other half. 

While this was happening, Jack made his exit from the other door, not forgetting to close it quietly.

If only George had listened to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Crypt TV monsters. The human characters are based on real people, of which I also do NOT own.


	5. Terra - ft. Jack Aitken and Carmen Jorda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Save water, or else...
> 
> Terra: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXhWv_N-Uvw

The little boy watched intently as the creature formed a micro-tsunami in the Jacuzzi, which drowned Carmen – his mean, self-proclaimed babysitter. Water flowed out of her eyes, nose and mouth, turning red as it seeped through the wooden deck, and into the garden. This event changed the colour of the daisies nearby, from white to a deep red.

“From ashes to ashes,” Jack giggled. A reaction which most would consider strange, or rather, morbid.

He cocked his head to the side, only to find the water-based creature standing next to him.

Jack was curious, “Who are you?”

The creature replied, “I am Terra.”

“Are you gonna hurt me?”

Terra’s voice became deep and raspy, “Only if you hurt me first.”

Jack poked Terra. 

He felt the same sensation as washing his hands – cool and refreshing. 

Somewhere in the garden, the last white daisy turned red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Crypt TV monsters. The human characters are based on real people, of which I also do NOT own.


	6. Troubled Youth | "Stalking Sheep" - ft. André Lotterer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I have discovered FE (especially André Lotterer), and my brain said, "this is it chief". 
> 
> Sorry for not updating much :( There are a lot of the Crypt TV vids I want to put here, but I don't know enough drivers (or their personalities).
> 
> Troubled Youth, “Stalking Sheep”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1D9gy6vj7dA

Robin, Antonio and Sam made it into the storage room. So would André, if Robin hadn’t knocked the crucible tongs off the lab bench as he crawled in. Its loud clink signalled –whatever it is out there- of their whereabouts.

André knew he wasn’t going to make it.

So did the other three.

André froze upon hearing the approaching growl. He looked at the group, not knowing what to do. Sam could only gape. Robin stared apologetically.

Antonio, in an attempt to be helpful, pointed shakily, “Behind you.”

Immediately André turned around and backed himself against the lab bench. He was horrified at the creature in front of him.

Antonio wanted to keep the storage door open, but Robin wouldn’t let him. The latter argued, “There’s no room!” 

The tongs, wedged underneath the door, silenced the commotion. 

Antonio, Robin and Sam looked at André, who smiled back at them.

André greeted the creature, “Hello.”

It gave a friendly growl.

“Did you eat?”

Questioning growl.

André nodded, “Good puppy.”

Shocked by this interaction, Sam shouted, “André, why?” 

“You all are sheep,” André scoffed, “it was time to bring in a wolf.”

He glanced at the creature – Fluffy – as he took out a small vial that was hung around his neck. He threw some of its content into the closet, where the other three men were. Fluffy let out a hungry growl.

“There you go boy,” André grinned, “boxed lunch.”

Blood-curdling screams and guttural growling filled the hallways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Crypt TV monsters. The human characters are based on real people, of which I also do NOT own.


	7. Troubled Youth | "Nobody's Sheep" - ft. Jean-Éric Vergne and Sebastien Buemi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back when JEV's hair was still long...
> 
> Troubled Youth, "Nobody's Sheep": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5rzxhsZBGA

Seb was in the middle of scolding JEV (something about the computers not working) when André walked past them. He had recognised the latter from the news of the attack, a couple of weeks ago.

Seb glanced the well-dressed man and asked JEV, “Hey isn’t that the guy from the attack?”

JEV shook his head.

“Did you find out how the creature got in?”

JEV still shook his head.

Seb went back to his spiteful mood, “Right, I forgot. Nobody tell you anything because that’s exactly what you are JEV. A nobody!”

JEV gritted his teeth as Seb walked away. Then, André approached him.

The librarian glared at André, “This isn’t what I asked for.”

The older man frowned, “You told me you were tired of being a pushover. I gave you a gift, and yet you still let sheep, like Seb, refer to you as a nobody.”

André took out his small vial and shook his head, as if disproving JEV’s passiveness.

“That’s not what wolves do.”

“Please!” JEV pleaded, “No!”

\----------

As he sorted through the last stack of books, JEV felt his horn poking through his hair. He growled under his breath, attempting to cover it. He heard a set of heavy breathing coming towards his direction; a limping Seb, helped by André.

JEV had to play dumb, “What happened?”

Still with a malicious tone, Seb answered, “Isn’t it obvious? I’ve been mauled!”

JEV was having none of it anymore, “Maybe you deserved it!”

André was impressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Crypt TV monsters. The human characters are based on real people, of which I also do NOT own.


	8. The Exorcism - ft. Lewis Hamilton, Nico Rosberg and Kimi Raikkonen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brocedes incoming. Just not quite like what you were expecting...
> 
> The Exorcism: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTTS7ysmLWY

Lewis walked through the apartment hallway. He had a call from a client, whose cousin was possessed. He didn’t need to know which unit the clients are located, the growl leads him to them.

He knocked on the door. 

The growl grew louder.

He knocked harder. 

He was greeted by a stoic-looking man in his late 30s. For some reason, he was wearing sunglasses indoors.

Lewis looked a piece of paper in his hand, “Mr Ra-“

The man replied, “Yes, I called. Come in”

“Before I do, Mr-“

“Kimi”

“Before I come in, Kimi, I need to tell you that the man in there is not your cousin. Do you understand?”

“Yes I know already. Please hurry.”

“Okay.”

Kimi ushered Lewis to his cousin’s – Valtteri – room. The state of said room didn’t startle the latter one bit; after all, this was a normal Thursday night for him. To say that the room was messy was a massive understatement. The occupant of the room was restrained onto his bed, with his shirt more torn than his jeans. Lewis took his hat off and prepared his equipment; a bottle of holy water and the holy bible. Kimi stood by the door, looking away. 

Upon recognising Lewis, Valtteri, or rather what occupied him, stopped their antics.

“Lewis?” asked the-thing-that-possessed-Valtteri.

Lewis recognised the voice, “Nico?”

Nico laughed. So did Lewis.

The priest exclaimed, “Holy shit!” and proceeded to pat Valteri’s – Nico’s – stomach, “You old fucker! How are you?”

“Well, I’m always crawling my way out. You know what I’m saying”

“Where have you been?”

“Been around Europe some. You?”

“I’ve been in the States, you know. Bad economy, better the Satanism”

Nico and Lewis laughed together. Kimi was very confused.

Lewis apologised, “I’m sorry. Kimi, this is Nico. Nico, Kimi.”

“Yeah, we’ve met already,” Kimi answered

“Oh, right. So tell me, Nico,” Lewis started, “how did you wrangle this one? Harry Potter?”

The demon chuckled, “Seriously? You think this guy’s a Potterhead?”

“Well, he could be! Heavy metal?”

“Close, but no cigar. This isn’t 1985 Lewis. Try again.”

“I don’t know. I give up.”

“He did some voodoo. Cursed some kid at his workplace to get a promotion from his boss.”

Lewis was slightly impressed, “Really? He doesn’t seem like the type to do that.”

Kimi excused himself, "I need to call Valtteri’s wife. I’ll be right back.”

As Kimi left, Lewis asked Nico, “Does he ever take those sunglasses off?”

“I don’t know, probably not.”

\----------

When Kimi came back, the strange duo were still catching up.

Lewis continued, “You know man, I was this close to quitting exorcism altogether.”

Nico dismissed Lewis’ statement, “You did not!” He stared longingly at the priest, “Well, I’m really glad you didn’t.”

“Yeah. I’m glad I didn’t either,” Lewis smiled.

Kimi could feel so much tension between the two, he wished they would just kiss already. Just, not while Nico was still in Valtteri’s body.

“So,” Kimi interrupted, “My cousin.”

The priest realised, “Oh, right. Nico, could you make this easy for me and get out of here?”

The demon declined, “I don’t think so Lewis. I’m going up against you, I wanna dance”

“I wouldn’t expect it any other way.”

After this exchange. Lewis started to spray (Nico-possessed) Valtteri with holy water, while chanting “The Power of Christ compels you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Crypt TV monsters. The human characters are based on real people, of which I also do NOT own.


End file.
